Raising an adopted child isn’t as cakewalk as you think. Particularly, when you have a biological child, it will be even more challenging then.
Because the adjustment between the adopted child, and the birth child won’t occur too quickly. It can develop a sense of insecurity in both the children; especially for the adopted child, it will be haunting.
Even when you provide your adopted child with the same things just like your birth children, you can’t eliminate the insecurities of your adopted child. This is quite understandable and unavoidable.
But, it doesn’t mean that you can’t be a good parent. Trust me. You can build a better future for both biological and adopted children. All you need is to understand their feelings.
I have a beautiful story of an extraordinary mom and her adopted daughter that propelled me to write this to convince you. This mom, named Jeena Wilder, is an incredible mom of four. One among the four is Claridy, whom she adopted five years ago. She is a YouTuber @Hey There Wilders, and she takes on the transracial adoption process in her videos. Recently she posted a video of her daughter Claridy about her insecurities and how they make her cope with them.
In that video, she says, “We make sure that she’s given the same opportunity as her siblings. We tell her how smart she is… and love her as much as we love her siblings. We can do all of this and it’s still not enough, we can love her and provide her with the same exact opportunities as her siblings. And, it’s still not enough no matter what we do for her. Our daughter had life experience before she joined our family. Those life experiences will always have an impact on who she is…. Being separated from her biological parents has caused trauma.
As her parents, it’s our job to recognise that the trauma she has experienced will mean that she needs more. I wish that just loving her was enough. But if we’re really wanting to be the exact type of parent that she needs to be… To be the very best version of herself knowing that love isn’t enough; is the first step”
What she said is heart-touching and has made many people cry in the comment sections.
It is more common for your adopted child to develop these insecure feelings in them. No matter how much love you show for them, how much you prioritise them, or how much your birth child shows affection to them, still, they feel unsafe.
It may upset you.
You can do some favours to your adopted child to help them to become confident.
Respect your adopted child’s feelings:
As a parent, you must understand that it would take some time for your child to adjust to a new family. Entering into a new family will make them anxious and stressed. So they would tend to show it through some undesirable behaviours. So you should give them enough space and time to mingle with you and your family.
The major challenge that the parents face is blending the relationship between the adopted and biological. Therefore, try to explain to your birth child why your adopted child needs much more priority and attention. Making your birth child understand the situation of the adopted child will enhance the bonding between them.
Your adopted child may question you, like how they came into your family, where they were born, and who their biological parents are. These questions will hurt you, and it seems like they doubt your love. But stay calm! They have their own feelings too. You, as a parent, should respect their feelings. Though it is a little bit hard for you to answer, stay calm, relax and answer their question. There is nothing wrong with that, but never forget to end up with some words about how much you love them and how important he/she is to you…
“It is not that difficult in raising an adopted child than raising a birth child,” says Andrew Bishop, a ThreeBestRatedⓇ Psychiatrist in the United States. No matter how much you love them, the adopted child still needs much more than the biological one. So remember, as long as you stay strong in your love, nothing can bother your children. Still, you can be the best parent! You can make your child a strong, independent, and confident figure who can stand up for themselves!!